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What Do You Say?

What do you say when you’ve lost your whole world? The only thing that kept u alive, the only reason to wake up every morning. What do you say? For the first time in my life, I am speechless. Covering up myself in lies to hide what I really feel, so that no one can see the true me….because I am always given peoples’ trust, but I cant ever seem to give my own. I always knew this would happen. I really did. Theres more to me than u think. The girl who can put a smile on your face, cant put one on her own. The girl that always laughs, breaks down and cries. The girl that seemed so unbreakable, so strong, had every wall knocked down….and her raw heart exposed to this bad world… What do you say? When the only thing keeping you alive, has someone else in their life. You have loved them longer than she even knew him. What do you say?

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L-O-V-E

I don’t know why,
But he really gives me hope,
I never actually heard the story,
But I can handle the ropes,
And every time I convince myself that it isn’t true,
He always does something,
To make me feel brand new.

He was the reason to wake up,
Was the reason to go to sleep,
I know I wont have him in real life,
But maybe in my dreams.

Once he had her,
I felt so lost,
I knew one day I’d have to pay the price,
But I never knew the cost.

I really wanted to tell him,
But at the same time I don’t,
Because if he weren’t to love me,
I couldn’t ever cope.

Countless times,
I told myself what I could achieve,
To not love him, feel no pain,
But that was a lie I couldn’t believe.

I finally told myself,
It will never happen,
He wont love me,
But its more than that, kid,

And finally once ive got myself to believe,
He comes over and makes me feel happy,
I don’t know why, but he really gives me hope,
That one day this miracle will happen,
I wont have to learn to cope.


*did not make or create this photo in any way*


Blog

Its moments like these that take your breath away. Not in the good form….the bad. I knew it was coming, and yea, I got myself prepared, but not for anything like this. I’ve waited, and waited for what I actually thought would happen, but no, I got knocked of this trance and brought back to reality. I was normal once, I didn’t know what anything was, until I saw him. My whole life was pushed back and for once, I felt pure happiness. It was my ticket to success, what actually kept me going. His smile would make my day. I finally got closer and closer and was soon about to make my move, until she came along. I never knew what it was like to be normal again, to not have a purpose in this world. Am I really special anymore? Was I ever special? Was it all just a phase? Because all I feel is emptiness…there’s nothing to live for….nothing. I guess I really am just another form of life, another one of 6 billion people. And out of 6 billion people, I was drawn to him….never in my life had I had a feeling like this. I still do, but the chances are slim and I feel emptiness. Shouldn’t I feel sad? This is past sad, I’m too empty to feel sad, its just a feeling of unimportance. But yes, I do know I am important, but even if I am important to 1,000 people, if I’m not important to him, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I just don’t care anymore…or do I just feel that way because he made me care for so long, that its all just new? This is actually hard….harder than anything I have done before. Watching the one I love, be in love with someone else? Having nobody know what’s happening? Having the ability to stop it, but at he same time, I can’t? I don’t know which part is harder. I am physically watching my whole world crash, and what makes it worse is knowing is going to happen, just wanting to get it over with, but still not wanting it to happen…Maybe its not him that makes me upset, maybe it’s the fact that I cant find happiness anymore.


*not my photo, did not take or create this photo in any way*


Because Not Everything Fits Perfectly Together

Tears are the blood from the heart,
They are clear because they show everything.
You’ve bottled it up for so long,
And it must come out.
You cant die from a broken heart,
You only wish you did,
Because everything you lived for,
Is now broken.
Inside and out,
You feel the worst,
You have to contain it,
I’m not going to rhyme this poem,
Because not everything fits perfectly together.
It may not have a flow,
But the meaning is deeper than you’ll know.


Learn To Grow

It all started out, before she came along,
I knew for sure, that we belonged.
I finally got, the closest chance,
I would fall in love, with every glance,
But then I heard, of a girl,
Threatening to take, my entire world,
No, I wasn’t scared,
I thought I was fully prepared,
But ever since she heard of you,
You two were stuck like glue,
I was there when you asked,
When she said yes, my mind was harassed,
While everyone else is smiling, I shed a tear,
Because I know you’d rather be there, than here.
You rather be with her, instead of me,
That’s what makes me cry, the reason I cant sleep.
There is only so much you can do before you have to let go,
Its not called giving up, its called learning to grow.